Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
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We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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