whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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