Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
