I cannot find my penis.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
