Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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