Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
