fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
