I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
