I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
