people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
