I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
