apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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