I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
