The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
