So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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