I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
