i may or may not be watching the land before time
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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