I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
