I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
