He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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