so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
