I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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