Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
