Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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