the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
