I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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