OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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