Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
