When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
