She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
