too bad you live with your parents still
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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