I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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