Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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