I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
