So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
