I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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