I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
