Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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