Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
