Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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