i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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