The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what day is it and did you see me today?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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