That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
