You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
