not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
