she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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