Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
