i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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