Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
