I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
