I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
