i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The air was thick with penises
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
