I think im going to throw up on grandma
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
