have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
