Can Purell be used as lube?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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