I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
