"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
