I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
