ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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