remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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