I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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