Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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