We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
