Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
