Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
