if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
