Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
