This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize