How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
