i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
