Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
