I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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