lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
