How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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