Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ladies don't puke and tell
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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