you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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