the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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