She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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