I'm lost and stupid without you.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
