I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If I die, sorry about rent.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
