So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
In America we eat man semen.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
