So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
