why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
