Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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