Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
