Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
