I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
