Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
