she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
